it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
smell my finger.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
