Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
You can't special order awesome
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
