i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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