Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
God, I missed his penis.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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