Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Randomize
