I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
