in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
