Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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