You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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