I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
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He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
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He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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