Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
