I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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