So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
false alarm, still single
Randomize
