Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
