I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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