he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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