I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
