After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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