I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
