plz talk dirty to me
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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