Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Randomize
