If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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