why didn't you poke me back
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
