Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
