he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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