i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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