I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
