why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
