Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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