Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
