we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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