All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
