Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
