So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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