so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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