youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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