Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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