I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Randomize
