I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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