What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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