is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
