i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
