drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
