i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
