I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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