Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
