Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
