Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
