why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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