Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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