My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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