I just cut my nipple shaving
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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