you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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