we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
