google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
