Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
