Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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