so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
