I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
