cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just cut my nipple shaving
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
