He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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