he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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