So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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