please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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