Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
