I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
