Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
