I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Randomize
