The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
